Hot Potato Nights Volume One

Roll up, roll up! It’s Hot Potato Nights!

In this, the first episode of our new experimental supplementary podcast, your two potato hosts indulge in a little late-night discussion on such varied topics as being British, buying Africa, science and why this podcast is exactly the same as Baywatch Nights.

It’s Hot Potato Nights. It’s the same as Baywatch Nights.

IT’S THE SAME*.

*May not be the same

Click here to listen with your ears.

If you have that iTunes, you can subscribe to the podcast here, apparently.

The Screaming Phantom Of Childhood Obesity Shares Its Thoughts On Hot Potato Nights

As all parents know, children lucky enough to be blessed with early-onset corpulence have this gift bestowed upon them by the Screaming Phantom of Childhood Obesity. The Phantom (above) steals into a child’s bedroom in the dead of night, force-feeds it goose fat until it is morbidly obese and then screams and screams and screams and screams and screams into its terrified, overweight face.

“Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhh! I’ll not be listening to the new Hot Potato Nights experimental potato spudcast,” the Screaming Phantom told us when we caught up with him buying lard at a covered market. “I work at night, see? I would listen to it if it was called ‘Hot Potato Days’, but it isn’t, so I won’t. And anyway I don’t have ears; I have scream portals full of worms. Y’know? For the kiddiewinks?”

The Hot Potato Nights highly controversial experimental brand new supplementary offshoot potato spudcast podcast touches down at some time in the near future (we assume). SO GO FIGURE.

“Hot Potato Nights Will Be The Same As Baywatch Nights,” Says One Potato

As excitement fails to mount over the forthcoming Hot Potato Nights experimental supplementary spudcast, one of the potatoes involved in the project has gone on record to categorically state that Hot Potato Nights is the same as Baywatch Nights.

Speaking from inside an oven where he is being roasted alive, the potato said,

“I can categorically state that the new Hot Potatoes supplementary potato is the same as Baywatch Nights.”

However, the other potato that took part in the recent recording of the show was quick to refute his colleague’s claims,

“I was there throughout the recording and can categorically state that the show bears little resemblance to Baywatch Nights. The other potato is a liar.”

The new Hot Potatoes experimental supplementary potato spudcast will be available to eat with your ears shortly. If it isn’t, blame Nicholas Potato.

Hot Potato Nights – A New Supplementary Potato Coming Soon

Moan moan moan, that’s all we here at Hot Potatoes have heard from our three remaining listeners since we began recording two months ago.

Apparently, exactly one calendar month in between one episode of The Hot Potatoes Podcast and the next is too long a time to wait.

That’s why we’re happy to announce that our new supplementary potato, Hot Potato Nights, will soon be emerging from the oven, piping hot and steamy.

It’s Hot Potatoes … but at night.

Hot Potatoes Podcast Number Two

Hooray! Exactly one month after the last spudcast hit the Internet, the second one’s arrived … and it’s at least 66% out of date!

That’s right! Your potato hosts are proud to present their up-to-date views on two of the hottest potatoes of the current age: the AV voting system and Easter. And if that wasn’t enough, they also disagree strongly with one another about fruit.

Fruit!

Along the way there’s a couple of tunes from the Internet’s Mr. Sexual, Nicholas Potato, a fine closing speech from the Posh-Voiced Woman, and another episode of Nightingale Row – the soap opera to end all soap operas delivered by two actors at the very top of their game.

We really do spoil you.

Until next month, enjoy the Spudcast … AND MAY THE POTATOES GO WITH YOU!

CLICK HERE for the Hot Potatoes Podcast on iTunes
CLICK HERE for the Hot Potatoes Podcast on not-iTunes

Business ‘Likely To Suffer’ Following Opening Of Oven Doors, Warns The City Potato

The City Potato – Hot Potatoes’s City expert – has warned the City that business is ‘likely to suffer’ following the release of the second Hot Potatoes Spudcast. Speaking to us from his office during a break from a very important business meeting with several massively important business leaders, the City Potato told Hot Potatoes:

“It’s not looking good for the economy. The hour it takes to listen to the Potatocast is an hour lost in productivity. That’s an hour of important City business not being done, and the City will undoubtedly suffer as a result. These people should be strangled for losing the City so much money; don’t they realise how important the City is?”

“Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got very important City business to be getting on with. Out of my way!”

The City Potato then lit an enormous cigar and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.

The Hot Potatoes Spudcast is due to arrive on The Internet™ probably tomorrow, possibly next week (maybe).

Competition Time!

Hot Potatoes is pleased to announce its first listener competition! To win a **FANTASTIC** bag of potatoes like the one in the above image, simply email a photo of you next to a potato, holding up a sign that says: ‘Here’s me, next to this potato’, with you pointing at the potato, looking a bit shifty, like you’re about to do something unseemly to the potato. The winner – who’ll probably turn out to be an attractive young woman – will be picked out by the people that do the Hot Potatoes Podcast (except for the Internet’s Nick Tann and the Posh-Voiced Woman).

Email us at hotpotatoespodcast@gmail.com today!

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

Scotland’s ‘Mr. H’ is not allowed to enter this competition because he’s an unpleasant drunkard. The winner will be sent a 1.5kg bag of value potatoes. You have no right to complain if the potatoes are either green, full of all eyes, or both. In the event that the potatoes lead to your untimely death, it’s nothing to do with us and we’ll put dog dirts through your family’s letterboxes if they try and sue us. Please, no pictures of bloody children. In this day and age that’s grooming, probably.

iTunesless And Hungry For A Potato? Never Fear!

The Hot Potatoes people have received several complaints from Internet subversives regarding the absence of a way to listen to the Hot Potatoes podcast without first downloading iTunes. After an emergency committee meeting, we are pleased to bring you the below link.

MAY THE POTATOES GO WITH YOU!

Hot Potatoes Podcast Number One iTunesless Link

Hot Potatoes Podcast Number One

The Hot Potatoes Podcast has arrived!

That’s right! After months of quiet underground incubation, the most highly-anticipated podcast since they cobbled bits of Dave Gorman’s Absolute Radio show together and stuck the results on iTunes has erupted triumphantly from its earthly tomb, and is now ready for your ears to greedily devour!

In this, our first and inaugural podcast, your two potato hosts ruminate upon:

Ways in which the Olympics could be made better and cheaper.
The best way to care for rabbits.
Everything Great Britain’s ever done musically for the entertainment of foreigners.
The jive-talking street-language of today’s modern youth.

Along the way you’ll hear songs, sketches, more songs and the first episode in our new soap opera, Nightingale Row – the most well-written and most convincingly-acted hospital drama ever to grace the airwaves of this septic isle! And that’s NOT a guarantee!

We hope you enjoy digging into the soft, waxy flesh of our first potato just as much as we’ve enjoyed knocking it together in our highly-advanced Internet garden shed of all ideas. Until next month, Potatoids (that’s you), happy listening … and may the potato go with you!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PODCAST

“The Podcast’s Definitely On The Horizon,” Says Sir Walter Raleigh

Sir Walter Raleigh – the patron saint of British potatoes and inventor of cigarettes – has informed the eager listeners of Hot Potatoes that the first Hot Potatoes podcast will be dug up ‘very soon’. Speaking from beyond the grave, Sir Walter told Hot Potatoes:

“I’ve been reliably informed by Internet potato insiders that the Hot Potatoes team are currently digging away furiously at a patch of ground in Lincolnshire and, weather-permitting, will shortly unearth the first of what they hope will be a series of enormous mixed-entertainment potato excavations.”

“I can’t eat potaoes because my head was severed from my body on the 29th October, 1618. If I try to eat potatoes, the mashed-up bits fall out of a big hole at the bottom of my neck,” he added, shaking his fists at the cackling ghost of King James I.